Dormir: Payden Beck Crime Thriller, #2

Prologue

You’re tired. You’re old. And this world won’t let you die. That would be far too merciful.

But everything ends eventually. Everyone, too.

The world can’t keep you alive forever. Only lock you into position until you’ve suffered every imaginable loss. Felt every paper cut and every brutal, eternal separation from everything and everyone you’ve ever known and loved.

You can expedite the process. Life can’t stop you. Unless you define this life as the sum of yourself.

What’s stopping you? There’s a bus speeding down the street outside your office right now. If you miss it, another will be by within the hour. Then another. On schedule. Perhaps a bit early, or a little late, but that way out isn’t going away soon, if ever.

What’s holding you back? What fear haven’t you realised? What pain haven’t you endured? Whom haven’t you settled accounts with?

This is your life. It’s ending every day.

What do you need, to finally let it go?

You’ve done all the bad you can do. It’s time to rest.

Sleep. And dream. Dream of who waits for you on the other side.

There’s no one left to hurt. No one left to punish. Not even yourself. When you walk the streets, you’re invisible now. No one knows you anymore, or cares to. Everyone you’ve felt you’ve loved is either dead or you’re dead to them. You’re a shadow already.

Do the unthinkable and rest. Close your eyes.

You’re almost there, Mr. Beck.

Consider what you’ve learnt and surrender. Be at peace with your demons. Acknowledge your angels.

Sleep.

I

LIFE LESSON NUMBER ONE: IF YOU CUT OFF THE HEAD, YOU CAN ONLY PRAY THE BODY DIES.

***

Before you finish beating the shit out of me, which I understand you’re obliged to, a joke: How many cholos does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three Spanish gangsters in black leather jackets and shiny shoes stood wall-to-wall in a cramped cellar lit only by the PAR30 halogen flood lamp pointed at the old man they were putting a hurt on.

It was late. It was early. The old man couldn’t tell and didn’t care.

The head soldier looked at the back corner of the room, to his general—another old man who sat in a wheelchair—for a nod.

Receiving it, he asked, How many? He looked at his cohort and shrugged.

Really? the old man asked. You don’t know?

The head soldier began to look back again.

You got to ask the oxygen tank? the old man continued. Come on. This is a good one. Answer the question. How many cholos does it take to screw a light bulb?

The third soldier responded. Wait. Is it ‘screw in’ or ‘screw’ the light bulb?

"It’s your light bulb. You want to see better? You want to carve your chorizo into fideos? What do I care? Answer the question. You’ll love the punchline. I promise."

The general wheeled himself toward the soldiers and they turned to face him.

What are you— The general cleared his throat. Are you going to let this punk play games with you? After what he did?

The head soldier shook his head as he heard the lamp’s bulb break and saw the room grow darker.

As the three soldiers tried to turn around, they all fell forward, their knees hitting the floor, shins flush with the dorsal surfaces of their feet, bleeding from the backs of their ankles and screaming in pain.

The general wheeled himself backward as the old man quickly frisked the soldiers writhing on the floor. Slicing each of their throats with the same sturdy chunk of broken light bulb glass he’d used to sever their Achilles tendons. Tossing all but one gun. Checking it was still fully loaded and pocketing it.

Screw, screw in, the old man said. What does it matter now? He looked at the general. They ain’t screwing nothing no more, am I right? The old man’s smile grew wide. Blinding in the near dark.

The general wheeled away faster, hitting a wall and stopping with a grunt.

Relax, the old man said, punctuating his words with the chunk of glass. I’m old. Tired. Harmless.

The general coughed, laughing at the same time. You signed your own paper. For what?

The old man approached the general through the darkness.

You can stop hiding your face, old man. I knew who you were before I had you brought here. What do you want? Except to die the bad way.

That’s all you got? the old man asked, shaking his head. The ‘what’ don’t matter. All I know is it won’t make a difference to you.

The old man put the chunk of glass to the general’s throat.

The general spat. Fuck you, you weak—

Fuck me? Okay.

You can’t do this, the general said. "You won’t get away with anything. You’re dead. But not before you see everyone you love suffer first, cretino. You accomplished nothing."

The old man chuckled. I killed three of your errand boys. Without the police-issued revolver they stole from me—don’t worry, I got it back. That ain’t something?

The general shook his head. You have no idea what’s waiting for you. You can’t do what you did and walk away.

That’s the difference between you and me, I guess. The old man pressed the chunk of glass against the general’s throat harder.

Don’t you dare, the general screamed, wheezing. You haven’t earned the right.

I think I have, the old man replied, looking down. "I’ve listened to you longer than I listen to most. I expected more, mandamás. You’re a disappointment. The old man paused, gliding the chunk of glass back and forth across the general’s neck. But I’m not a bad guy. What do you say? Both carotids?"

Don’t you—

The general bled out before the old man could find the exit.

II

Payden Beck awoke on his living room’s fold-out couch bed to the sound of thumping on his apartment door. Like the beating of a heart. The heart of a beautiful woman he remembered from his youth. As his mind jarred awake, he forgot her immediately, though he felt acutely aware of her absence. And, as he did every morning after he dreamt of her, he felt lost.

Read the sign on the door, he yelled. You better not be a solicitor.

The knocking came again and Payden rolled off the couch bed, wearing the pants and buttoned dress shirt he’d passed out in the previous evening. He walked to the front door, ignoring the peephole, and swung it open wide.

A uniformed police officer—much younger than him—stood outside his door in the dim light of the dawn, holding a clipboard and chewing on a pen. He looked up as Payden’s eyes squinted.

The officer removed the pen from his mouth. Payden Beck?

Payden scratched the back of his neck and yawned. Is this multiple choice?

I need to verify—

What? Payden looked at the mess in his apartment and moved into the doorway.

The officer took a step back, moving his pen-hand toward his holstered pistol.

You here to pop me, cherry?

Sir? The officer attached the pen to his clipboard. Mr. Beck, I’m here to execute a search of the premises.

All of it? Payden asked, stretching and rolling his eyes. I can’t give consent for my neighbours.

No, only your apartment. If you’ll—

Payden’s left shoulder hit one side of the front door’s frame and his right hand grabbed the other. Warrant?

Sir, the officer repeated. Be easy.

Again. You have a warrant to search my apartment?

If you want to be a hard case, the officer replied, I can wait here until I get one.

Payden walked back into his living room, leaving the door open, and grabbed his keys.

Save yourself a world of trouble, Mr. Beck. Play ball.

Payden walked out the door, closing and locking it. That ‘world of trouble’ is yours, pal. Call in your warrant. Enjoy the wait and pray some junkie don’t kill you for your shoelaces. Payden looked to his left and right. Uniform but no cruiser?

The officer nodded.

Your life. Have fun loitering. I’m heading out. Thanks for waking me early without doing your homework.

Sir, the officer commanded. I did my homework. Just because you used to be a cop doesn’t mean the rules don’t apply to you.

Which rules? Payden walked away, toward the apartment building’s lot.

Sir, I’m going to have to ask—

Get your warrant, leave a copy for me so I know what you hoped to find, search my place, make as little mess as possible and leave me alone.

Mr. Beck, the officer said, nonplussed. You can’t leave.

Am I under arrest?

The officer followed him.

If I’m not under arrest, I don’t got to do jack except answer questions my files already gave you the answers to. You got my name and address. If this is somehow a drug-related matter, you got my birth information. I’m not a witness to an accident, so nothing for you there, either. You got everything you need from me.

The officer reached out and turned Payden around by the left shoulder.

Don’t put your hands on me. I’m not stupid enough to put mine on you. What’s your name? Payden looked the officer in the eyes and the officer glanced at his clipboard. You forget to write that down?

The officer raised his hand.

You don’t want me to know? Okay. Maybe that’s better.

Sir? the officer shouted as Payden turned away and shuffled across the apartment’s lot to the only twenty-four-hour dive within walking distance.

Payden yelled back over his shoulder. Do yourself a favour. Go back to the office and build a case. Then come visit. Better yet—

The officer walked toward Payden as Payden gestured with his hands.

Just ask me. If I feel like it, maybe I’ll give you the answers you think you want. Payden gestured more aggressively. Come on. Walk with me. I need to buy a bottle off the shelf. I’m old. A bad hangover could kill me. What’s the saying? Over seventy, no more something or the other? It’s no joke.

Payden and the officer walked down the street in silence.

When they reached Chester’s Pub, next door to the building where Payden ran his floundering private investigation business, the officer spoke once more.

Mr. Beck, my name is Officer William Dooley.

Who names their kid ‘Officer’? Payden asked, remembering a woman named Valarie. You Mickey’s kid? I seen his and Miss Jude’s mistakes. You been working the city all this time? Don’t recognise you.

No, I’m related, William replied, shaking off the insults. Mickey was my dad. Died a boozer. Mom’s still kicking.

Yeah, I know. And I know. She was a looker last I saw. I guess you can’t win most of them. Payden sighed. You have my condolences.

Payden walked into Chester’s Pub before William could reply. William chose not to follow.

When Payden came back outside, he held his bottle of bottom-shelf whiskey close. Don’t worry. I won’t open it until I get home, Bill. You mind if I call you Bill?

Bill’s good.

Payden began walking back to his apartment and William followed. Tell me your tale, Bill Dooley. Why are you harassing me?

This is not—

Payden looked at him with disgust.

Mr. Beck, I’m not here on official police business. Not yet.

Understood.

I’m here about my brother’s daughter.

Your brother. Payden glanced away. Bob, was it? I remember that little shit. Did he grow up or is he just older and uglier now, too?

That doesn’t matter, William snapped, immediately regaining his cool. What matters is his daughter’s missing.

File a ‘missing persons’. Then file that advice under ‘obvious’.

Did. Soon as Mom called me, but—

Bob have any other kids?

William shook his head.

I’m sure she’ll show sooner than later. How old— Payden held up a hand. Don’t answer. I don’t care and I don’t want to know.

William punched his clipboard, getting Payden’s attention. She’s thirteen years old.

Unlucky number. Payden scratched his chin.

Her name is Chloe. She’s got long, dirty-blonde hair. Cute. Precocious. Last seen flaunting her lack of fashion sense.

How so? She tie her ponytails with rubber bands? Payden paused as William grunted. I loved that about your mom.

They walked without speaking until Payden broke the awkward silence. How is it you think I can help you?

William scanned the surrounding area. There’s problems at home, of course. And my niece may be young, but she’s smarter than I’ll ever be.

No surprise there. You—

Quiet, William barked, calming down and continuing to talk at a normal volume. Please. She took off this morning. Last night, probably. Nobody knows why. I think, when she ran, she ran to you.

Payden shook his head, feeling conflicted. Though Chloe’s age neared the end of Payden’s built-in sympathy switch, she was still a child. An innocent. Someone he couldn’t knowingly hurt in any way.

Haven’t seen any girls that young lately, Bill. For whatever reason you think Chloe would come running to her grandma’s object of well-feigned animosity, she hasn’t. He paused and leant against his apartment’s front door. Leave me your information. I’ll call you if I see any shortcakes around. You have my word, but I doubt she’ll find me if she’s looking.

You’d be surprised, William said. Mom never shuts up about you. Especially since Dad passed.

You don’t got to tell me. She still good-looking, torch and all?

What? No—I don’t know, Mr. Beck. She just blathers. And Chloe’s a sponge.

Yeah, Payden said, looking at his apartment door’s knob and rubbing his wrists together, keeping the bottle from dropping. Close family names, other than Valarie and her psycho brother. Let’s have them.

William looked at him quizzically.

I’ll need to ask questions if I think I’ve found this Chloe.

Well, I’m single. William turned to walk away. Bob’s wife died postpartum. And my mom’s the only mom Chloe’s ever known.

Payden returned William’s wave goodbye.

You let me know if she shows. Promise?

Payden nodded and turned to open his apartment’s door. Is she— he began to ask, looking over his shoulder.

William was already in his car, firing up the engine and driving away.

III

Valarie Dooley, née Jude, woke from a fitful slumber to the sound of her alarm clock. She silenced it with a good whack as she threw her blankets to the side and rolled off her bed onto her feet. Stretching and twisting at the hips to crack her back and loosen her stiff muscles until the pain became tolerable. She looked at her slender, naked body and reached for her robe on the chair beside the nightstand. Covering herself quickly. Afraid—though she knew it to be irrational—if she inspected her thinning skin for too long, she’d lose the will to look in the mirror, make it to the bathroom and live her life like the healthy septuagenarian she was.

She moved to her bedroom’s mirror and brushed her long, greying hair with her hands. Thinking of the easy meal she’d prepared before going to bed Sunday night. A sack lunch for her granddaughter, Chloe, whom she acted as a mother to. Forcing herself to smile until she frowned. Wondering when her mind would go so she wouldn’t remember what she used to see and be delighted once more with what the looking glass showed her. She was disarmingly attractive, but she didn’t believe so. When she saw glimmers of the beauty she felt inside reflected at her, she ignored them. If she were worthy of physical adoration, she wouldn’t be dismissed by society daily. A problem she never knew when she was younger and commanded the attention of most men she desired.

She tied the sash of her robe tight and walked from her room to stand in front of Chloe’s bedroom door, knock, wait and—most school days—knock louder before she yelled.

As she knocked again, feeling her lower back’s muscles loosening and the related pain dissipate, more thoughts of the previous night flooded her head. Her two sons—one of whom she now lived with—and her irresponsible, foul-tempered brother asking her advice regarding their current business venture, of which they revealed no details. Not interested in what she thought, only desiring to offload their misery so they might continue to suffer one another.

Chloe, she yelled. Time to wake. You need to take a shower and eat breakfast before the school bus gets here.

After waiting, knocking and yelling for a few more minutes, she opened Chloe’s bedroom door.

The lines on her face disappeared immediately and her jaw hung slack as she felt her heartbeat slow.

Chloe’s bed was made and her room was clean, but her window was open and she was nowhere in sight.

Valarie walked into the room, opening closets, looking underneath the bed and poking her head out the window, feeling her body grow weaker as she continued to tell herself what was happening wasn’t happening. In her head and out loud.

She ran to her son, Robert’s, room, finding it empty as well.

She did another check of her and Chloe’s rooms, then rushed downstairs, feeling the breath hot in her lungs and calming herself as she called Chloe’s school on the wall-mounted kitchen phone. When they told her what she prayed they wouldn’t, she hung up and inspected the basement, ground floor and property outside.

Her granddaughter—her daughter in her heart, though Chloe only addressed her as ‘Grandma’—was gone. And she had no idea why or where.

When she gathered herself to the point she felt her progeny could understand her, she phoned her son William, then Robert. Finally, she called her brother James.

William assured her, if Chloe had run away from home, he’d find her immediately. Robert assured her Chloe was probably ditching school with friends and he’d stay home the next day. James didn’t assure her of anything before he hung up.

She spent the remainder of the day in her robe.

When Robert came home and gave her grief about it, several hours after the school bus would normally drop Chloe off, she attacked him like a feral cat.

He spent the remainder of the evening in his bedroom.

No one in her family had given her the one thing she needed. To be comforted. To be told things were going to be all right, even if she didn’t believe they ever would be again.

Though her husband, Mickey, had died some thirty years ago, she couldn’t remember ever feeling so alone.

IV

Payden staggered back to his office building after a long hard day making sure his business telephone actually worked—while draining a bottle of whiskey—then leaving early to drink at Chester’s Pub all night, again. No jobs around the corner, no money to pay rent on his apartment or his office, and no police activity except the possible invasion of his privacy. He’d lived through worse. Things could pick up.

Hey, Beck, a voice called from behind him. We need to talk, old man. You hear me?

Payden continued walking.

The name Janet Harper mean anything to you?

Payden unlocked the door to his office building and stumbled in, turning around and falling into a seated position on the steps. Staring into the muted light and making out the figure of a big man. You the fictional rapist-in-waiting who takes the same train as her?

She’s my sister, the man replied, moving forward and filling the doorway. She was confused.

Payden scratched his chin. I’ll tell you like I told her. You don’t get a refund if you don’t like what I find.

Stand, the man demanded, moving closer. I’m not here for money.

Love, then?

The man lifted Payden to his feet by the lapels of his jacket, spinning him around and slamming his back into the wall to the right of the front door. You filled her head with lies.

Payden rubbed the back of his neck. Go home. Pretend she’s still there wishing you weren’t. We’ll forget this ever happened.

The man gave Payden a shove.

Is this foreplay?

The man shook his head, addled, slamming Payden into the wall again and swinging.

Payden ducked the man’s punch and winced as he heard him hit the wooden stud behind the drywall, full force. A good boxer’s fracture at least.

You still need me to help you kick your ass? Payden asked.

I’ll kill you—

Payden grabbed the man by the back of the neck and struck him in the throat with the thumb of his opposite hand. I ain’t your sister. The man grabbed his own neck, falling to his knees as Payden let go of him, opened the door and kicked him out, then continued kicking him until he stopped choking, got up and ran.

Payden turned around and let the door close on its own. He looked at the stairs as he heaved a sigh.

The door creaked and a footfall sounded behind him.

Payden turned around slowly, his fist cocked. Ready to take a good beating. Thinking maybe that was what he’d been looking for all day. Perplexed until he looked down.

You’re the guy? the five-foot-at-best girl who stood before him asked. Wearing dark-blue jeans a size too small and an opened purple-and-black plaid shirt over a sheer white T-shirt designed to draw attention to the pink padded bra underneath. Her hair was long and dirty-blonde, held in a ponytail by rubber bands, her feet crammed into black sneakers.

Don’t you have homework to do? Payden asked, patting her shoulders.

She smacked his hands away.

Nice bite. But, seriously, go home. This is no place for a little girl. He looked at the door. What’s your name?

Cash, she said as she tugged at Payden’s jacket and he turned away. I can pay you.

Please do. Thanks. Payden’s foot rested on the first step as he looked up the four floors to his office.

No, you grey fuck, she replied. I meant—

Payden turned his head to look at her. I’ll call you a cab.

Call me whatever you want, she said, pulling the rubber bands from her hair. Just don’t brush me off.

Payden turned to face her and rubbed his forehead. I’m listening.

She stood before him, mute.

Payden shook his head. What’s your name?

What the fuck do you care? she snapped.

Professional courtesy. Start by dialling back on the lip, half-pint.

You’re an asshole, the girl replied, dropping her rubber bands to the floor, kicking them away and looking down. Like the handsy bartender said. I had to deal with that slimy paedo ‘accidentally’ bumping his hard-on up against me from three o’clock on, waiting for you to show. It took forever—walking and, like, a hundred bus rides—to get here from my house. Otherwise, who knows what else that sick piece of shit would’ve done to me.

Language, kid. I swear to fuck—

You’re mean. And I’m not a kid.

I apologise if I offended your delicate sensibilities, angel. Payden glanced away. You were at the pub? Since three?

She nodded.

How old are you? Thirteen?

I’m twenty-three, she replied.

How much did they overcharge you for the fake ID?

The girl’s gaze locked with Payden’s when his eyes finished looking her up and down. She scoffed. Still don’t believe, now you’ve gotten your eyeful?

I believe. I believe I’m tired. I believe I’ll sleep in my office. I believe the bouncers saw what you’re showing and looked the other way. Go home. Your parents might notice you’re gone. Far-fetched, I know. What’s your name?

Rachael, she said.

You sure?

She looked down again, trying to hide her flushing cheeks. I need help. I was told you don’t ask questions. You’re not living up to your reputation.

You can’t believe everything you see, hear or read.

Well, here’s what I believe, Mr. Beck. I believe your business isn’t booming. I believe your left hand’s index finger can’t leave prints.

Payden covered his left hand with his right momentarily, remembering pain he’d never feel again.

I believe you’re lucky to have a licence with a felony on your sheet. And I believe you can do what I need done.

Who are you? Payden asked.

I told you. My name’s—

Not what I meant. How do you know so much about me? And why do you think it matters? You a hustler?

The girl rubbed her left hip and pulled at her jeans waistband’s front.

Stop fidgeting. Touching yourself don’t get you a discount here. Payden waved her away. If you can’t come clean about your age and who you are, I can’t trust a word that comes out your mouth.

Why won’t you believe me? she asked, shifting her hips and standing in place, hands at her sides.

Are you deaf, or just slow? Payden moved into her space quickly. Patting his hands from the sides of her crotch to her ass, rifling through her jeans’ pockets, handling her like a conquest and snatching her wallet.

She didn’t scream. Get your hands off me. What—

Payden stepped away and the girl fumbled at her jeans’ back pockets. Payden pulled her ID from her wallet and took a good look. Holy shit, your name really is Rachael. And you’re twenty-three. Payden shrugged. Could you pose for me again?

The girl crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Give me